Thursday, May 13, 2021
IMDb (N/A) - IAFD
BI FOURGIES is the first contemporary production to be reviewed on Your Online Secret. I chose to wait awhile on modern porn because if I was going to do this, I wanted it to be a release I believed in as far as merit. BI FOURGIES turns out to not only be something I found very entertaining, but something which needed to discussed due to some extenuating circumstances. But more on this in a bit.
BI FOURGIES is a compilation of scenes shot for the Why Not Bi website owned by MindGeek. It is a 2020 release via DVD and streaming services, but all of the content had previously been released separately on the Why Not Bi website in 2019. I realize MindGeek is controversial, but I'm not going to go too far into that subject. I just want the work to stand on its own.
For the sake of completeness, here are the individual scenes in the order they appear in BI FOURGIES. No director is credited for them on either the site or the DVD. However, social media indicates Tom Moore (IMDb) directed "Don't Be A Square" and quite probably all four scenes.
"Don't Be A Square" - September 6, 2019
"Free For All" - March 8, 2019
"Best of Both Worlds" - August 16, 2019
"And Then There Were Four" - June 28, 2019
Since BI FOURGIES is a compilation, there is no unifying story. The common theme for all the vignettes is that each is a fourway. There's a lot of flexibility even there though, especially when you consider Why Not Bi uses trans performers, too. As a longtime lover of girl/girl scenes due to their constant use in straight porn, I was intrigued to see how they would be integrated into the bisexual genre.
All I can say is wow. I was blown away by the energy and vitality in these scenes. No one seemed like they were "going through the motions." Everyone seemed to be truly invested in what they were doing throughout the entire scenario. I was suitably impressed and almost didn't want the darn thing to end (except for having other things to do, natch).
The plots are nothing particularly original. In fact, they are pretty standard porn tropes - couple swap, motel room mix-up, partner switch, post-party orgy. It's all in the presentation, and the various productions which comprise BI FOURGIES make it all seem fresh, with some amazing sexuality on display.
This is the part where I recommend the movie on DVD or via streaming on Hotmovies, but there's a catch this time. As I researched this review, I learned that the version of BI FOURGIES available on Hotmovies has been edited. Whether this is by the studio or the site, I have no idea. However, let the records show that BI FOURGIES clocks in at 2 hours, 54 minutes, 21 seconds on DVD (the title screen is a separate chapter and seems to be omitted from all streaming versions, so it is not factored into this discussion). BI FOURGIES on Hotmovies is only listed as 2 hours, 43 minutes, 28 seconds.
Wha' happen? Well, part of it can be explained by the removal of the opening which gives capsule versions of each scene along with cast members and title. This is nice to have, but probably not vital for most viewers. My timing of it was approximately 4 minutes, 41 seconds. This is used as a preview for the title on the Adult Empire site, though I clocked that version at 4 minutes, 38 seconds. Close enough! If this was the extent of it, I wouldn't even be talking about this business.
The issue occurs in the last sequence. There are at least two separate instances of female on male fisting which have been removed entirely from the Hotmovies version. Over 6 minutes of the scene have been completely excised! Now, fisting is not a favorite thing of mine, but I believe it should stay in if that's how it was released. I'm assuming this is Hotmovies being especially cautious, but it's worth noting that Adult Empire (and its many associated sites like SugarInstant and Gamelink) appear to have the fisting intact in their versions. In fact, a glimpse of it can be seen in the previously-mentioned preview video.
I am a big proponent of Hotmovies, but I cannot recommend BI FOURGIES on their site unless you absolutely do not want to see fisting in any way, shape, or form. Go with the DVD, or one of the Adult Empire streaming platforms instead. Since Why Not Bi has not updated in several months as of this writing, it may be imperative you jump on the train now before it's too late. And since all of you are so smart as to read this blog, here's a slightly saucy follow-up to our lead image behind the cut!
Monday, May 10, 2021
Hotmovies - IMDb - IAFD
I first became aware of Kylie Sinner because she was in a DVD with another contemporary performer I really like (yeah, it was Audrey Holiday). As I learned more about her, I became curious enough to track down more releases featuring her just to see how her situation was handled. I think her story is fairly unique in terms of being an adult performer. The creativity that had to go into crafting scenarios for her fascinates me.
To explain, Kylie Sinner was a virgin the entire time she was involved in the adult industry. Well, technically. She primarily did anal scenes, though she also worked in the girl/girl and bondage genres. The stated reason was because Kylie suffered from vaginismus, a condition which would seem to theoretically preclude participation in any kind of sex scenes. There's at least one of her projects which was built off a narrative dealing with vaginismus. I cannot say if this was legitimate or not, but it seems like a strange thing to make up to try to turn on porn consumers.
Kylie Sinner only worked in the adult industry for a year or two. It's really too bad, because in addition to being strikingly beautiful, she had a natural charisma which could have taken her places. She has resurfaced a couple of times on social media since then, once selling panties and once promoting an OnlyFans account which has since been deleted. Since she seems to have taken a step back from the limelight again, I'll refrain from mentioning the names of her accounts.
You can read a fascinating 2015 interview with Kylie Sinner here.
Friday, May 7, 2021
INTRODUCTION: Here is a comprehensive list of all Vinegar Syndrome releases which are or include hardcore sex films. It's broken down by year, and arranged chronologically and by catalog number to reduce confusion. These things don't always match, and I didn't come aboard until late 2016. I've done my best, but encourage you to ask questions and/or point out errors or omissions. I used the site, the VS Checklist, my personal collection, and Jason Coffman's invaluable spreadsheets to compile this list.
Clip and save! Use as a buying list! Hide all of them from the checklist if icky sex parts gross you out! It's a reference and the latest symptom of my lifelong obsession with lists!
(Please note: Your Online Secret usually renders movie titles in ALL CAPS. For formatting reasons, I am eschewing that practice for this list. Thank you for your understanding.)
BD = Blu-Ray Disc
CD = Compact Disc
DVD = Digital Video Disc / Digital Versatile Disc
UHD = 4K Ultra High Definition Disc
SLIP = Slipcover Edition (part of catalog number)
* = Limited edition.
** = Includes limited slipcover edition in addition to standard edition. Add "SLIP" after catalog number unless otherwise noted.
• VS-001 The Lost Films of Herschell Gordon Lewis (Black Love) [BD/DVD]
• VS-003 Expectations / Confessions [DVD]
• VS-011 The Vixens of Kung-Fu / Oriental Blue [DVD]
• VS-012 The Sexualist / Wendy's Palace [DVD]
• VS-018 The Oral Generation [DVD]
• VS-019 Virgin and the Lover / Lustful Feelings [DVD]
• VS-022 The First Time / Oriental Babysitter [DVD]
• VS-026 Evil Come, Evil Go (Widow Blue) [DVD]
• VS-027 Abduction of an American Playgirl / Winter Heat [DVD]
• VS-029 Deep Roots / Starlet Nights [DVD]
• VS-030 A Saint, A Woman, A Devil [DVD]
• VS-031 Sadie / The Seductress [DVD]
• VS-032 The Altar of Lust / Angel on Fire [DVD]
• VS-033 Marilyn and the Senator [DVD]
• VS-034 LTD The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio / A Clockwork Blue [BD/DVD] * ¹
• VS-036 Jungle Blue [DVD]
• VS-037 Bijou [DVD]
• VS-038 Pretty Peaches II / Pretty Peaches III [DVD]
• VS-039 Deep Tango / Young Secretaries [DVD]
• VS-040 Baby Rosemary / Hot Lunch [DVD]
• VS-041 Boys in the Sand [DVD]
• VS-044 Erotic Adventures of Candy / Candy Goes to Hollywood [DVD]
• VS-045 All Night Long / Tapestry of Passion [DVD]
• VS-046 Tropic of Desire / Fantasy World [DVD]
• VS-047 Purely Physical / Cathouse Fever [DVD]
• VS-049 The Ultimate Pleasure / I Am Always Ready [DVD]
• VS-051 Cry for Cindy / Touch Me / Act of Confession [DVD]
• VS-052 Prisoner of Paradise [DVD]
• VS-053 Mai Lin vs. Serena / Oriental Hawaii [DVD]
• VS-055 Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls [DVD]
• VS-056 Red Heat / Hot Vampire / Peeping Tom [DVD]
• VS-057 Carnal Haven / Her Last Fling [DVD]
• VS-058 Dracula Sucks [DVD]
• VS-059 LTD Pretty Peaches [BD/DVD] *
• VS-061 Fantastic Orgy / Champagne Orgy [DVD]
• VS-062 LTD Sex World [BD/DVD/CD] *
• VS-059 Pretty Peaches [DVD]
• VS-063 Ribald Tales of Canterbury / Tasty [DVD]
• VS-064 Sexual Heights / Undulations [DVD]
• VS-065 Three Ripening Cherries / Sensual Fire [DVD]
• VS-066 Champagne for Breakfast [DVD]
• VS-067 Come Under My Spell / Lady Dynamite [DVD]
• VS-071 Hot Legs / California Gigolo [DVD]
• VS-072 Dixie Ray Hollywood Star [DVD]
• VS-062 Sex World [DVD]
• VS-074 The New Erotic Adventures of Casanova 1 & 2 [DVD]
• VS-076 Little Sisters / Powder Burns [DVD]
• VS-077 Long Jeanne Silver [DVD]
• VS-079 Fast Cars Fast Women / Starship Eros [DVD]
• VS-081 Anticipation / Flesh Pond [DVD]
• VS-085 My Sinful Life / Las Vegas Girls [DVD]
• VS-086 Savage Sadists / Den of Dominance / Daughters of Discipline [DVD]
• VS-087 Pulsating Flesh / Super Sex [DVD]
• EXTV-002 The Young Like It Hot / Sweet Young Foxes [BD/DVD] *
• VS-091 Lust Inferno / Marathon [DVD]
• VS-092 The Sensually Liberated Female / He and She [DVD]
• VS-098 Corruption [BD/DVD] ²
• VS-099 Star Virgin [DVD]
• VS-101 Robin's Nest / Bella [DVD]
• VS-102 Too Naughty to Say No [DVD]
• VS-103 Pretty Peaches Trilogy [BD]
• VS-105 Erotic Adventures of Candy / Candy Goes to Hollywood [BD]
• VS-106 Sensual Encounters of Every Kind [DVD]
• VS-107 Sex and Astrology [DVD]
• VS-108 The Young Like it Hot / Sweet Young Foxes [DVD]
• VS-110 Sex World [BD]
• VS-111 Blue Ice [BD/DVD]
• VS-114 Trashy Lady [BD/DVD]
• VS-115 Unveiled [DVD]
• VS-116 Storefront Theatre: All Night at the PO-NO [DVD]
• VS-118 Physical Attraction / Classical Romance [DVD]
• VS-119 Harlot / Tijuana Blue [DVD]
• VS-124 Corporate Assets [DVD]
• VS-125 Both Ways [DVD]
• VS-126 Take One / Moving! [DVD]
• VS-128 Taboo [BD/DVD]
• VS-130 Sex in the Comics [DVD]
• VS-131 Body Girls / Let's Get Physical [DVD]
• VS-133 China and Silk [BD/DVD]
• VS-136 Eat at the Blue Fox / Titillation [DVD]
• VS-141 Storefront Theatre: All Night at the Bizarre Art [DVD]
• VS-142 Taboo 2 & 3 [BD/DVD]
• VS-144 Weed / Innocents Abroad / Sexual Encounter Group [DVD]
• VS-145 Silk Satin & Sex / Turn On With Kelly Nichols [DVD]
• VS-152 Taboo 4 [BD/DVD]
• VS-153 A Place Beyond Shame [DVD]
• VS-154 The Love Slaves [DVD]
• VS-156 Babyface [BD/DVD]
• VS-157 The Night Bird / Night of the Spanish Fly [DVD]
• VS-159 China Girl [BD/DVD]
• VS-160 Boiling Desires / Love Champions [DVD]
• VS-161 Sherlick Holmes / Reunion [DVD]
• VS-164 Ladies Night / Her Wicked Ways [DVD]
• VS-165 Hot Flashes [DVD]
• VS-168 That's Outrageous [DVD]
• VS-169 Pussycat Ranch / Here Comes the Bride [DVD]
• VS-172 Pleasure Maze / Lovers Lane [DVD]
• VS-173 Never Sleep Alone [DVD]
• VS-175 A Touch of Genie [BD/DVD]
• VS-176 Matinee Idol [BD/DVD]
• VS-178 Afternoon Delights / Slave of Pleasure [DVD]
• VS-179 My Master My Love / Teenage Masseuse / More [DVD]
• VS-181 Throat... 12 Years After [BD/DVD]
• VS-183 The Intrusion [DVD]
• VS-184 Sunny / More Than Sisters [DVD]
• VS-188 Dark Dreams [DVD]
• VS-189 The Sinful Pleasures of Reverend Star / Kinky Tricks / China Lust [DVD]
• VS-194 A Woman's Torment [BD/DVD]
• VS-CAT2017 Spring 2017 Catalogue of Film [DVD] *
• VS-197 Nasty Nurses / Let's Talk Sex [DVD]
• VS-201 LTD 5 Films 5 Years - Volume #1 [BD] *
• VS-206 Young Girls Do [DVD]
• VS-207 Velvet High / Summertime Blue [DVD]
• VS-210 LTD Mary! Mary! [BD/DVD] *
• VS-211 Night Caller [DVD]
• VS-212 Sessions of Love Therapy / 101 Acts of Love [DVD]
• VS-215 Babyface II [BD/DVD]
• VS-216 Confessions of a Teenage Peanut Butter Freak [DVD]
• VS-217 Women at Play / Good Girls, Bad Girls [DVD]
• VS-221 Flesh and Laces: Parts 1 & 2 [DVD]
• VS-222 Little Showoffs [DVD]
• VS-225 Her Name Was Lisa [BD/DVD]
• VS-226 Naughty Girls Need Love Too [DVD]
• VS-227 The Seduction of Cindy / Tara Tara Tara Tara [DVD]
• VS-232 Naughty Network [DVD]
• VS-233 Ms. Magnificent [DVD]
• VS-234 5 Films 5 Years - Volume #3 [BD] *
• VS-238 Liquid Assets [BD/DVD]
• VS-239 Showdown [DVD]
• VS-245 Memories Within Miss Aggie [BD/DVD] **
• VS-246 School Girl Reunion / Sensuous Fly Girls [DVD]
• VS-247 The Sexorcist / Deviants in Love [DVD]
• VS-252 The Bride's Initiation [DVD]
• VS-262 A Climax of Blue Power [BD/DVD]
• VS-266 Tinseltown [BD/DVD]
• VS-270 SLIP Fleshpot on 42nd Street [BD/DVD] *
• VS-274 Skin Flicks [BD/DVD] **
• VS-285 Mascara [BD/DVD] **
• VS-286 The Pink Ladies [BD/DVD] **
• VS-289 9 Lives of a Wet Pussy [BD/DVD] **
• VS-290 Let My Puppets Come [BD/DVD] **
• VS-303 Justine [BD/DVD] **
• VS-304 Hard Soap, Hard Soap / Disco Lady [BD/DVD] **
• VS-307 A Thousand and One Erotic Nights 1 & 2 [BD/DVD] **
• VS-310 Public Affairs [BD/DVD] **
• PEEK-001 Carnal Highways / Carnal Olympics [DVD]
• PEEK-002 Frankie and Johnnie Were Lovers / The Mislayed Genie [DVD]
• VS-313 Malabimba [BD/DVD] **
• VS-324 I Like to Watch / Sorority Sweethearts [BD/DVD] **
• VS-327 The Naughty Victorians [BD/DVD] **
• VS-330 Indecent Exposure [BD/DVD] **
• VS-342 High School Fantasies [BD] **
• VS-343 Frat House [BD] **
• PEEK-003 Taxi Girls / Heavenly Desire [BD] **
• PEEK-004 Sex World [UHD/BD/CD] **
• PEEK-005 Furies Sexuelles / Prostitution Clandestine [BD] **
• PEEK-006 Summer Camp Girls [BD] **
¹ = Only the limited edition Blu-Ray/DVD combo edition includes hardcore.
² = Also issued as EXTV-006 (First 2,000 copies)
Last Updated: May 7, 2021
Tuesday, May 4, 2021
(Sometimes I put title screens first because I think the poster or VHS box is just too saucy for a thumbnail. This is one of those times.)
IMDb - IAFD
One genre of adult film which always get short shrift is the bisexual film. Bi movies are too gay to be straight and too straight to be gay, so they sort of fall into this murky middle ground for a lot of people. I personally find bisexual productions appealing enough that I've been experimenting with them the last couple of years. As I've checked out both "classic" and contemporary movies, a particularly interesting aspect is how the filmmakers choose to handle the male/male sex. Sometimes, the proceedings seem oriented toward the female participant, and other times she's treated as an afterthought. The ideal would be to fall somewhere in-between, but bisexual films definitely run the gamut.
A FAMILY AFFAIR was a bisexual video I picked up because I am a longtime booster of the female performer Flame, and she is promoted as a star here. This is no exaggeration, by the way. If you are a Flame fan with an open mind, this video is an absolute must. It is a tour de force for the lady both in her sexual and character work. She is cute as a button, but with a wicked streak that really sets the wheels in motion for most of the action depicted.
Patrick (Axel Garret) has been kicked out of the house for the last time by his wife. He moves back to his childhood home with his sister Lisa (Flame), and he learns that their brother Marty (Chad Knight) has been spending more time there lately, too. Patrick feels uncomfortable due to his missing their late mother, but is convinced to stay. That resolve is tested one night when he spies in his little sister's window.
A FAMILY AFFAIR does its best to be a little more serious and not just a mindless fuck flick. It obviously deals with incest (maybe I shouldn't say "obviously" since it didn't occur to me when I ordered it...), but there is conflict involved. Plus, if you're the type who gets squicked out by that particular kink, take solace in the fact that none of the three principals looks remotely like one another. It's so obvious they aren't really related, it almost feels like it's deliberate.
As far as the sex, it's mostly straight male/female and male masturbation. Despite the homoerotic implications of depicting it, the latter appears in enough straight movies it probably wouldn't raise an eyebrow if someone came into A FAMILY AFFAIR unaware. There is more emphasis on showing off the men than the women (Porsche Lynn also appears), but that's to be expected all things considered and is something the average viewer might not consciously register. It's only in the last half hour that the male/male stuff appears, and it's the sister who instigates it which might even be extra naughty. Garret and Knight are a couple of hunks too, though I preferred Garret because he did most of the heavy lifting as far as emoting.
A FAMILY AFFAIR is by no means earth-shaking, but it has proven to be my favorite bisexual sex movie besides the classic BOTH WAYS. I own it on DVD, and it might still be available if you look around for it. Meanwhile, current owner Channel 1 Releasing has it available to stream for a fee.
Sunday, May 2, 2021
(Word of caution: It took me two tries to get thru this movie. The sound on the Caballero DVD has an unnatural, echoey quality which I found so distracting that I gave up after a half hour the first time. It took me awhile to return to the film, but I am glad I did. I am told this sound problem is not present in the original release of the film, so I'm not sure what's going on with the most common version of LADY LUST now in circulation.)
IMDb - IAFD
LADY LUST is known if it is known at all as a vehicle for erstwhile Russ Meyer starlet Edy Williams. That's right, it's Edy in a HARDCORE movie! Except, er, don't get your hopes up. She doesn't even disrobe entirely, though that one pair of pantyhose leaves little to the imagination. All her scenes are strictly softcore, and all you have to do is pay attention to know. She's not exactly in top form ether, and most of the time looks like she doesn't really want to be there. Since Annette Heinz shared an early scene with Edy that goes nowhere in the final cut of the film, I wondered if she had some insight, and Annette spoke very highly of her co-star. So if Edy Williams was unhappy, it doesn't appear she was a diva. So that's nice to hear.
Edy is still Edy though, and there is even a reference to Cannes in case you forgot. There are moments where Her Edyness shines and they are great. The chief issues with the movie as a piece of cinema are that Edy doesn't do enough and there is no real sibling chemistry between her and her on-screen baby sister Kimberly Carson.
Oh, but Kimberly Carson. She is worth the price of admission even if you don't care one whit about Edy Williams. This is one of the films where she eschews the wigs and just goes with her natural hair. It totally works for the character, too. Despite a reputation as difficult, Kimberly was one of the best actresses in XXX while she was active, and LADY LUST demonstrates that in spades.
Edy plays Suzanne, a character of nebulous motives who runs a San Francisco art gallery and briefly flits back into the New York City (well, Queens) life of her sister Irene (Kimberly Carson). You'd think it might be because Irene and her husband Max (Paul Thomas) just hit the lottery, but in fact, this doesn't seem to be the case. The lottery subplot plays into the story a little (the kids are away at camp, for example), but Max is still working his job as a mailman for pity's sake. Max and Irene are basically happy, but are in a bit of a rut. Suzanne's chief role in the movie is changing the pace of Max and Irene's lives while she is around and allowing them to get in touch with their own fantasies and sexual desires. Then she's gone again, but maybe her visit will resonate for the couple.
The funny thing about Edy and Kimberly having no discernible sisterly bond is there are attempts to establish it, but the two women just don't jell as relatives. It could be Edy's possible antipathy or it could be Kimberly's alleged moodiness. I dunno. What makes it weird is that Kimberly and PT absolutely work as husband and wife. Kimberly is adorable and naive; PT is kinda dry and down-to-Earth. All of their scenes together are a joy and you understand why these characters gravitate back to one another even through challenges.
There's an intriguing supporting cast for this movie, but only Paula Meadows, Michael Gaunt, and Sharon Mitchell are given much in the way of actual roles (and Mitch just barely). It seems like a waste to have someone like Jerry Butler on hand and then not even give him dialogue. Just the consequence of dealing with these kind of movies sometimes.
LADY LUST might conjure some interest as a latter-day re-release due to the presence of Edy Williams alone. It's not a Russ Meyer movie, but she made those and she's in this. Good enough, eh? Sadly, the rights seem to be owned by Caballero itself according to my sources, so a remastered reissue looks unlikely at this point. Hopefully it can be salvaged someday, as it deserves a wider audience.
Saturday, May 1, 2021
(This film has been marketed by Gourmet Video Collection on DVD and VOD as "Kay Parker's Sex Play" but the actual on-screen in all versions is simply SEX PLAY. Additionally, though she is featured prominently on the original poster for the movie seen below, Desiree Lane only has a small role.)
IMDb - IAFD
I've mentioned it a few times over the years in other places, but Gary Graver's SEX PLAY was my introduction to adult films at mumble mumble years old. I can't say I "got it" at the time, but I recognized how well-made it was as far as pushing my buttons. I'm sure it influenced everything that came afterward. I'm grateful my intro wasn't something like HOT YACHTS as a result. (No offense to anyone who digs that one, natch.)
SEX PLAY tells of a quartet of women who are obsessed with film star Jeff Justice (Eric Edwards). Well, except for Sue (Kimberly Carson) who has gotten a big dose of reality since scoring the gig as his personal secretary. The girls hatch the idea of ganging up on Jeff and having their way with him - with Sue's help, of course. Sue wants no part of the plan until Jeff insults her after she opens up about her one-time feelings for him. Sue decides to get revenge by helping her girlfriends carry out their scheme and therefore ruining Jeff in the process. But wait, how will this ruin him? Because you see, Sue knows Jeff Justice has a secret that a tabloid reporter (Kay Parker) is chasing - he's been impotent for the last six months. Sue spills the beans to the reporter who goes to seduce the private eye (Richard Pacheco) whose job is to keep a lid on the story. There's no one to stop Sue's friends as they head for their rendezvous with disillusionment and potentially gabbing to the press.
SEX PLAY has a funny and compelling story filled with sharply-defined characters who actually mean something. As hard (har har) as it might be to believe, there is still plenty of sexiness in a movie where one of the main characters cannot get it up. In fact, Eric Edwards steals the movie as Jeff Justice, a character who actually grows and changes due to his comical plight. I'm sure my long-term mancrush on Eric Edwards began right here, and he's utterly glorious.
This is no one-person show though, and I simply must spotlight Kimberly Carson for being incredible. Despite wearing a truly unfortunate wig that must be a comment on the character or something, she is a sympathetic figure who gets caught up in everyone else's machinations. Though Sue's friends more or less disappear before movie's end, Sue herself plays an integral part in the film's conclusion.
Without being too spoilery, I want to single out a moment which struck me on first viewing as one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen. Even today, I think it's breathtaking. It's that screenshot below where (A Man) is slowly taking off (A Woman)'s shoe. That's all you see as the seductive music plays. It's all you need to see right then. I don't have a foot fetish, but that right there is the difference between "erotic" and just plain old porn as far as I'm concerned.
As you can tell, I am very passionate about this film. It is my Number One Want from Vinegar Syndrome as far as movies they have yet to release. I do have the DVD from Gourmet Video Collection called KAY PARKER'S SEX PLAY mentioned up top. It appears to be derived from the master tape, and is therefore the equivalent of a Criterion Edition for GVC. Still, I can dream of this getting a beautiful remastering someday. I've been told in the past it was unavailable, but things can change and I will continue to hold out hope.
Thursday, April 29, 2021
IMDb - IAFD
STEAMY DREAMS (1980? 1984?) was produced, directed, and written by Mark Reynolds (as Bill Hill & Keith Webster). It stars Lisa DeLeeuw, Sue Nero, Maria Tortuga, and ZZZZZZZZZZZ... I'm sorry, what were we doing again?
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum from my last review is STEAMY DREAMS. File this under "Movies that don't need to be re-released!" If you're critical of the hardcore films companies like Vinegar Syndrome choose to re-release to the collector's market, some of the reviews on Your Online Secret are specifically tailored for you. It could be so much worse, and you probably have no idea.
The databases say STEAMY DREAMS is the product of Mark Reynolds. Reynolds apparently made his rep primarily doing all-male films. I hope like hell those are better than this dreck, because this may be scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel. Gay audiences for sure deserve better than this level of quality.
STEAMY DREAMS opens with some fancy titles and a banger disco theme song. Narration informs us the apparently attractive woman (we never get a good look at her) shown will try to remember and recount her dreams. This isn't a bad set-up, and the woman is seen throughout the rest of the movie. But forget it. You never get a good look at her, she never speaks, and there's no narration after the opening. This is Just Another Fucking Loop Carrier and it doesn't bother to pay lip service to its premise again.
I'm not a huge fan of non-sync sound loops. I understand and appreciate their place in the history of the sex film business, but they just don't entertain me. Loop carriers are another matter. As long as some reasonable effort is put into them, I can accept them and often enjoy them. The key phrase is "reasonable effort," which STEAMY DREAMS does not deliver in the slightest.
STEAMY DREAMS is a collection of utterly generic and nondescript loops, with the occasional star like Lisa DeLeeuw or Sue Nero featured. The interest in their contribution is tempered by the fact that all the loops have been dubbed equally generically. There's the occasional comment on the action ("I'm going to move my hand right here, oh yeah!") that people dubbing porn seem to always think is hilarious. I assure them, and you, these asides are never funny. But they are few and far between, with most of the dialogue being bog-standard Porn Dubbing 101. It's possible the dubbing crew was paid more than the people appearing in the actual film, which is a very plausible travesty if so.
Quite honestly, I was longing for the comparative quality of Carlos Tobalina and Leonard Kirtman as I girded my loins to power thru this snoozefest. It mostly closely reminded me of Ray Dennis Steckler's Mix and Match late 70s/early 80s projects, but without the underlying hatred, offensive content, and rollerskating to mitigate the pain. However, I did perk up when a cover of "Theme from S.W.A.T." found its way onto the soundtrack.
This is one of the most boring hardcore movies it has been my misfortune to endure. It's not the worst though. It is going to take a lot to topple HEAD NURSE from the top of my Most Hated list. This one is way more dull, but HEAD NURSE takes what was likely a mildly unfunny comedy and ratchets its annoying factor up to infinity with its haphazard and wannabe "zany" editing. So STEAMY DREAMS only lulled me to sleep instead of pissing me off.
If you had a chance to see STEAMY DREAMS when it was playing in theaters, it's a toss-up as to whether you would have been better off getting a hand job from a hobo at the bus stop. It probably would come down to whether the hobo charged or not. Yes, STEAMY DREAMS is really that worthless.